Touchdown, absurdities

I'm at Yale now and it's a profoundly strange place. I'm not a skull yet, at least to the best of my knowledge. Would even I know if I were a skull. I'd probably figure it out after several sitting presidents and members of congress started urinating on me. That's what skulls do to the new ones. I heard that somewhere... Alright.

Specifically, this place is so darn weird because of the internet. Al Gore, the inventor of the internet, attended this school, and setting it up has been counterintuitive in the extreme. In short, I had to admit defeat before I succeeded. Is this one of, "there is no spoon" things, a la The Matrix? From where I'm sitting, it smells like one. Extreme frustration, not an hour ago, gnashing of teeth. It was difficult, you see, because I figured it out. BBC was starting back at me. After successfully navigating the housing manual, finding the page that instructs you on how to get online yourself, and, haha, navigating the menus, I was surfin' the net. Astonished triumph. I never read the instructions, and one of the reasons why I never succeeded at science is I cannot for the life of me follow instructions. I hate them. Nevertheless, I was very definitely surfin' the net.

Then, I decided to restart the computer, without a real reason, but rather from a vague desire to consolidate my gains. I don't know why. Why did Hitler invade Russia? Some things can't be comprehended. I think I just compared myself to Hitler. Forget about that. It will ruin my 2026 congressional bid. Forget it now. I'm on the fast-track to SKULLDOM, and it doesn't matter what I say, and I can hyphenate as I please.

For whatever reason, my restarted computer was unable to surf the net. I lost my figurative marbles, perhaps that hints too strongly at insanity to convey the depth of my anger at this machine, on which I am now typing, but there was a distinct strain of purple insanity in my anger. Marbles is the right word. After a worthless and potentially embarrassing bit of shouting and gesticulating that lasted the better part of two hours, I gave up and resigned myself to a restorative dinner of high-sodium noodles, it helps me forget. When I slammed the door angrily, I was not the member of any network, literally.

Down into the 1920s era, stunningly beautiful, dining hall building, down into the hot, dark basement. Motion sensor lights. The motion sensor lights in the kitchen did not work. I ate in peace, relative peace, in the dark, until a woman walked in. I scared the bejesus out of her. Now she thinks I am the creepy guy who hangs out in the dark kitchen by himself. I'm getting a reputation here, and the disconcerting thing is, it's not much different from the one I have in DC, and China for that matter. I hate myself. Then I returned to my room and my internet was working perfectly.